Treasures. Unforgotten.

{To Noah & Jayden

The day you died, my treasure in heaven became more priceless than before... it became tangible, real & desirable. The kind of desire that aches. I don’t cry through every song during worship at church now, just the ones about going to heaven and what it will be like. I know the sweetness we sing of will be magnified for me.

But there are some treasures I’ve stored up on earth. Not forever treasures, but the hold-me-till-I-make-it-there treasures. As humans we need things we can cling to and touch when it feels like something's slipped away. My very skin feels comforted to hold, cling to, bring to my chest... items, images, textures, scents to keep you alive.

They’re my sacred things. I take retreats to your 2 boxes... in memory, in grief, in confusion... I just shuffle through it all. And I allow a few things to fold right into the thick of each day... constant reminders. To be thankful. Of who’s mom I am. Of what all I have. Of what I’ve come through and to. Some pnd let it slip. And there’s a few people probably see these things and have no clue. Some people probably pick up on a thing or two a things no one can pass up without remembering and that’s by my design. I need people to remember with me here and there. Remember you and remember who I am. I’m not just who I am today. I am a little piece of a yesterday and a once upon a time that I can’t let go of no matter how I keep moving forward and being thankful. I am a little lonely in my soul by choice- because I’m waiting for you and no one else can wait to be your mom but me.}

Today I wanted to share some of these things with you. My touchable lovable little things. I’d grab them in a fire but I will have far greater things to gain one day. It’s all I have physically today to show for a lifetime of dreams and 9 months of plans and undoing plans and 8 months (this Saturday) since, of being a mom to angels.