Because of June 9, 2012...

I have 2 strollers, 2 carseats & some baby toys: For when my friend from the hospital has me keep her twin girls. They’re special because the boys knew them too!

I have read these amazing books and have these amazing people to send thank-you cards to for the incredible amounts of love and care that have been extended to me by the church. I have seen love like never before in myself and in others.

I have a box in the basement I dare not open. It’s full of little shoes and preemie sleepers I had packed in the boys’ diaper bag: 2 of each. Its got some hand-me-downs from their sister. It’s also got their duvet covers, hooks for the wall & art for the nursery I had all planned out. That’s not a tangible thing I care to look at or touch much.

I have been a friend to a few in need when they weren’t sure who to trust. Not because I’m anything special. But because of our {My son’s & my} story. Because God’s seen me through to today.

I make these earthy-chique baby mobiles in my babys’ honour. For fun. To show love to babies. To force myself on a walk into the trees to see some of God’s art. To spend a mindless evening with twine and my hands and sometimes some mindless tv or slow conversations.

I’m GETTING a TATTOO. I have wanted to do this all.my.life. 

I have a thank-you card & pamphlets leftover from a funeral home. I hate to see that emblem with the trees and PARK MEMORIAL written on it. Even if I am thankful for them, too. 

My sons have death certificates & certificates of cremation. Sad. But they’re the only legal pieces of paper we ever got with their full names. Somehow making them more human to me. We never got birth certificates.

I’m starting to finally fulfill my dream of writing my life story out. Who knows if anyone will ever get to read it, but its for me.

I still have a “TWINS” board on pinterest & I haven’t changed my blog description though its pretty inaccurate of who I am now. These are those little steps I just haven’t taken yet. 

I’m learning about loving my body... scars, stretch marks & all. 

We preach heaven in this house. Easter has never seemed so needed, so real, so neat.

We learned that Hayley was more of a miracle than we already knew the day she was born. She will live even more cherished and even more photographed if that’s possible!!

I really don’t enjoy the little crafts where you “make your family.” One day Hayley can decide if she’ll include 2 little brothers or not... for now its always a toss up... especially if we are in a classroom setting with other people.

... Just a few more thoughts I came across in my reflecting yesterday.