Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit. Talk about your joys.
When I think about what to journal or blog its when I'm finally (rarely) alone. It's when I'm slowed down from the blur of working, paying bills, changing sheets, sweeping floors, running errands... and when I reflect its easy to talk about my problems. The little, daily ones. And then I reflect some more and I could talk about some big, hard troubles. We've had enough this year and seen enough around us to last a lifetime. And the elephant in the room is of course the twins and I like to remember them, to talk about them not just in "problem" mode but in joy and remembrance. And people like it when I share both the good and the bad from that and I appreciate the listening ears.
But today I'm going to reflect on my joys with this time I have.
Winter has me awe-struck this year. This is the 4th Canada winter I've been here for. The first I was taking a bus to classes and felt like I'd just moved to the arctic. I learned the hard lesson of wearing good winter boots by falling on the ice one-too-many times. I resented Americans getting snow days as I trekked downtown in 4 feet plus of snow. The next we were newlywed, got a tree from goodwill and I had my first Christmas with the in-laws. It was new and I missed my family and we never went outside. Then came Hayley and she was the spotlight Christmas 2010. We slacked on shovelling the snow but I did put her in 2 snowsuits and wrap her in a blanket every day to go in her stroller and walk the dog. Then was the hot, pregnant-with-twins Africa Christmas where I realized I miss this crazy climate. Now here I am. I LOVE shovelling the snow (unless its windy and still snowing as I do it). I love mitts and scarves and boots. It's a wonderful, white winter-land and I would not have it any other way.
A few more joys that winter has delivered: Hayley's first hot chocolate, fireplace always on, frosty windows making our house feel extra cozy, new flannel checkered sheets, Walks in the frosty forest, deer hunting, peppermint chocolate cookies, black coffee, meeting neighbours while we all shovel, and Italian beef stew (yes a significant bit of these are food-related, what can I say?).
A friend asked me over tea the other morning if I see life differently now. Just after N&J had passed away I remember thinking that things had really warped my view of God... that trusting would be different, that I had seen the ugly and the worst and though I'd choose to believe I'd never feel the same joy. I felt like I was farther than ever from the "child-like faith" we as Christians are called to. But it's the opposite. I am forced to have a renewed faith. I see the smaller joys that I would have ignored before in search of bigger ones. And my trust might seem pretty childish to some... I have big questions, I can't explain it all... but I want and need my faith more than ever before.
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