Brain dead and blogging!

Life Lately...

 We got our drive way poured a while back and only have landscaping left to go! They measured for top soil this week so it should be coming soon :) I can't wait to have a tree and bushes and grass... just seconds before it snows! Just kidding (sort of)... it is a lovely fall here so far! The trees are turning and I am itching to get away from it all with my camera and some trees. Speaking of trees, we've discovered the Spruce Grove participark! I don't think I mentioned that our new house is not in Edmonton... we are out of the city in Spruce Grove (that's West and North headed towards mountains... I like to think also headed towards the coast... realistically its only 20 mins closer than Edmonton was). We are quite literally nestled in spruce trees and nature in general though this little town has great amenities, too. The Participark is a nature trail that goes from one end of town to the other- you can walk through the middle of town and around the outsides and feel like you're in the middle of a forest. So we've busted out our new MEC jogging stroller and our old dusty running shoes and we've been running together. And it feels... so many different ways...

Day 1 of jogging I did a chunk of the run with quite a few little stops then sent Kyle on half way though and took over the stroller to walk the rest of the way home. My feet moved with little effort as I drudged through the difficult emotional battle I now faced since I'd decided to take on running again. It's the tug of war between wanting this and hating this. Hating this for reasons no one else gets. I didn't mind working off a belly with a bundled little Hayley in her stroller mid-winter 2010-- its not the same when you don't have those new little lives to look back at you one laborious, body breaking pregnancy later. I'm heavier, my joints have been worn on more, my abs HURT like never before. Tough. I sucked back tears of disappointment all the way home day 1. Disappointed in my not running better, disappointed in my body, disappointed with my lot in life.

Day 2 I didn't stop until I'd completed more than the day before- with no stops. I felt good. My hubby was proud. I enjoyed the family time. I enjoyed the weather. I enjoyed me not pregnant & me being myself. It's a mind game. How you live really can depend on your attitude. Though my pain is inevitable at times, it isn't unbearable when I find things that don't hurt to celebrate.

Day 3 was also a success and Day 4 was smoky so we bailed early and spent the evening with friends.

Everything's a process. Moving forward can sometimes feel like "two steps back, one step forward, another back, and then a lunge forward again... and repeat."

I started my new job last month. I'm good at it. Most days I do arts and crafts, I organize, I run errands. Most days it is all good. I work less hours than Kyle had to, Kyle and Hayley are LOVING their time together, Kyle's getting a lot done around the house & preparing to apply for the Police, its sort of like finally getting to have a hobby & we have so much more family time. Some days I remember just how different this is from what I was supposed to be doing with my life right now... almost 4 months after my sons were born. And those days hurt a little. Those are the days its hard to put one foot in front of another. Those are the days I tell other moms to cherish like I never would have before-- diaper change after diaper change, rocking until your head thinks its rocking when you're not, nursing so much you may as well not wear a shirt, snapping pictures when you can & sitting up with them into the night. And then I think of Hayley and I and how we'd be with Noah and Jayden in our old stay at home together life... and I miss something I never REALLY had.

So like I said-- moving on-- its so hard. But it will be good and it is good. I want to be a family Noah and Jayden would WANT if they peeked down from Heaven today. A family smiling, laughing, loving, playing. A family remembering and loving them... and remembering and loving each other for the gifts that we all are.

So here's some more update on us- the 3 Ibsens down here making the most of what may come!

 "Uncle's" Came to Visit at the beginning of this month! Mark (above) is one of our GREAT buds from high school and Josh (below) was one of Kyle's dorm brother's growing up. It's rare to have Africa family close since we all come from all over, but we keep up with these two cool catz.

 Since Mommy's in the business of princesses & fairies, Hayley's been getting into it to!

 We had to replace our (brand new) table because it got bubbles in it, but yay! It was free.

 Hayley and I have squeezed in a little bit of baking! These were especially wonderful pumpkin cookies (same ones I made every fall with my mom as a kid).

 I practice my face painting for work ALL THE TIME on my cute munchkin... I mean, who wouldn't?

And just last week Uncle Charles treated Hayley (and mom & Dad) to her first hockey game! It was a huge success!

And I have managed a blog in under half an hour... and have managed about half an hour to myself... that's more rare than ever these days!