Fall kick-off Craft

{So this is a moms-y blog post. I warned you.} This is all about the "Thankful Tree" that Hayley & I made yesterday.

We used: 1 sheet brown foam paper, 1 large black posterboard, 1 sheet orange construction paper, colored pencils/markers/crayons, 2 little Hayley hands, 4 paint colors, q-tips & glitter pens. Oh and construction paper & a marker for hand shaped cutouts.

Maggie's Tip #1 for doing crafts with young kids: Use paper plates for your glues, paints, glitter etc. This way you can control the portions of material used & its easy for them to access without tipping over! 

 Tip #2: While you do some of the cutting/glue-ing for projects such as these, have them scribble on a sheet of construction paper to their heart's content. I used this scribbled-on paper later to cut out extra leaves for our tree that were nice & personalized with Hayley's special touch!

And tip #3: Messes are inevitable no matter how much you plan ahead.

Tip #4: See that flowery mat she's crafting upon? That's a plastic tablecloth that cost me all of 8 bux at Superstore. Buy one. Save your deck/floor/carpet etc.

 So 1)we glued on the brown felt trunk and limbs. 2) we did the handprints! 3) I glued in some leaves I cut out. 4) I wrote in our title with a q-tip & white paint. I only used the Q-tip because I forgot where our paint brushes got put in the move! Simple enough, right? 4 steps + a lot of mess = pretty little family thanks-giving tree.

We did this craft right by the kitchen sink so we had easy access to water, soap, paper towels & garbage can! {Tip #5 I guess!!}

Tip #6: Crayola products with black lids now equal GREEN. Aka Kid friendly, no harmful toxins, better for the environment. 

And voila! The finished product! Happy fall, Y'all!

The perfect mom

There's food that Hayley threw still sitting, dry & cold on long grey floorboards. Her chair's still angled out from when I yanked her out, all thirty pounds to wipe between each finger with a damp cloth. The pantry's organized & the groceries are put away. There are a few dishes to do sitting all topsy-turvey in the sink. Sadly, there's no coffee remaining in the coffee pot. The clock ticks on. My camera's here full of pictures to download & eventually, hopefully e-mail to glad recipients. Hayley's bed was made this morning by her hands & mine in unison. My bed is still undone with PJs strewn & pillows indented. Last night's rain has passed but the pool toys & deck chairs remain by the back door. I have a shoe rack waiting to be assembled by the front door & shoes all over the front closet floor. I did brush hair & teeth both mine and the little blondie's this morning but there is no make-up to be seen! We're dressed but not fancy, the house it neat but not yet tidy. Meat's thawing, croc-pot's ready but supper's not underway. Lunch should be in the microwave soon. Then more dishes will demand attention. There's a comforter still left to dry in the upstairs hallway, dry & sun-warmed ready for folding. The basement's still been left untouched since when? Move-in day?

 And yet I can say I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN IT. I've mastered it. I'm good at this: Being a mom, a wife, a lover & a friend.

Today we have crafts to do. Those things I listed before can always always wait, can't they? Yet sometimes I think they are THE priority. And what a shame when I do. What a shame when I don't sit down to help put together a crazy combo of bright, plastic noses & ears so we can giggle together at Mr. Potato head. It's too bad when I'd rather pick up toys & sweep up spills than sit down and make the messes too. We're no slobs- these things still get done. But sometimes, right then, they can wait can't they?


That's the secret to loving being a mom. That's the secret to having time for joy & romance & a life lived to the hilt. Take your time. Don't rush through things. Don't forget what's really important. And things will fall into their right place. Hayley before mopping? Yes please! Hot tea & a book before organizing- actually better for you!

So to those of you waiting for your "Daily Hayley" pictures, just know that I'm enjoying her thoroughly and will share soon. And if I haven't e-mailed or called in a while, just know I'm here and I'm now and you feel free to do the same where you are.

I linked another woman's article on my fb page today reminding moms that they aren't failing even when they don't keep up with the "it" things to do as a mom... she said make a list of things you want to do with your family and try to do one a day... and that's exactly what matters. She's exactly right. In the end Hayley will remember that time we hula-hooped & mom looked outrageous, not that time mom mastered the pinterest up-do! Come on!

Today we are doing our first fall craft & I can't wait :) So check it out on the blog later this week!

Church 2.0

 Our little girl just moved up from nursery to Sunday School at church!

Yes, Little-miss-not-even-2 is in the 2 & 3's class AND dropped napping altogether this week (lucky us, right?)

The pluses of sunday school vs nursery: the kids (usually) aren't crying... which sometimes spooked Hayley from wanting to be there. 

AND they're learning about Jesus more.

AND best of all (well not best... maybe the previous is BEST...): She does crafts to bring home!

  So that was the first ever sunday school craft: a shield.

 We just can't get over the speed at which they begin learning and applying what they learn at this age!

 She is a greater joy by the day!

 We're a little bit proud ;)

This is what it means to be blessed.

"Thanksgiving creates abundance; and the miracle of multiplying happens when I give thanks- take the just one loaf, say it is enough, and give thanks" {As when Jesus & the disciples were feeding the 5000} "-and he miraculously makes it more than enough."

 "I redeem time from neglect & apathy & inattentiveness when I swell with thanks and weigh the moment down and its giving thanks to God for this moment that multiplies the moments, time made enough."

These are phrases that rang out as I re-read a chapter today from the book I'm slowly pacing through and learning so much from. Ann Voskamp is explaining how she learned to slow time down & fill it up with God's glory and abundance... so as to live fully joyful.

Then today's sermon in church was about how hanging on to the gifts that we're given from God- in stead of receiving them open-handed and being willing to leave them in God's power and care- causes us not to be all that we can be; or causes us not to feel fulfilled by those things. As the pastor put it, "It costs us when we won't let go."

God blesses us all of the time if we're willing to acknowledge that fact. We are blessed to breathe, we are blessed to have family, we are blessed with children, we are blessed with jobs, we are blessed with being able to eat & live under roofs & you name it. Everything is God's. Therefore EVERYTHING you have- including your very own body, your very own talents- are HIS and he has chosen to give those things to you. Oh how much we must miss in a day... even in a moment. We are constantly blessed.

So what if we could see those things as gifts that are not rightfully, fully ours. What if everything was received as the pastor said "with open hands." Can we learn to take a gift and be ready to give it back or share it or have it taken away as the Lord sees fit? Can we leave it all up to God? Woah- you might think- that's a lot!! And it is. The final point in the sermon this morning: PLEASING GOD COSTS EVERYTHING.

So our kids, our money {what? The money "I" earn? Yes. God gives you those skills & that job, too.}... are those things that we can let go of? Can we realize that though we are called to be good stewards & be responsible with those things that that's it- that we aren't called to micro-manage God's ultimate plan and cling to this & that... we aren't supposed to depend on those things or idolize them. They are the gifts, God will do with them as He sees fit & that will bring about the most fulfillment.

As Ann Voskamp said that she can redeem time from neglect & apathy and inattentiveness when she swells with thanks, so we can redeem blessing from those places where there used to be worry & controlling & selfishness & dependence on things other than Him... by also swelling with thanks. By acknowledging gifts for what they are.

Often I've wondered if being at peace with Noah & Jayden's death so soon after was a dangerous, bad thing. We are told to grieve grieve grieve... but can I not also find space for joy & blessing when I recognize my sons as not my own? They were God's... and he gave me the gift of feeling them inside & of marks left behind from them & of 62 hours, more than half of which were spent cradling sweet Jayden in my arms. And the gift of remembering them & honoring them here on earth. And then God took that gift back.

Why did he take my gifts back? Well there's one logical, scientific answer that we have now received since Noah and Jayden's preliminary autopsies: they would likely have only lived 10 years WITH multiple kidney & lung transplants- best case scenario. They had a genetic kidney disease. Maybe God's purpose for them was always short-lived... not that he gave them that disease! But he gave them to me knowing about it. So now he's taken them back & there's a void in my life. And this morning the pastor said- "When he asks for everything you have, He's not out to get you." When he takes what was given to you he only wants to fill you more. "He gives so we can give so he can give again."

And I am living testimony that that void can be filled. Yesterday as I listened to these lyrics: I remembered Noah & Jayden's little lives.

They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares

Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

...I remembered Noah & Jayden's little lives. And I also remembered everything I've been learning one baby-step at a time since that day, 71 days ago, and all of the blessings I've recognized unfolding since then. I wandered up the staircase and rested in the hallway, toes sinking hard into plush vacuumed lines of carpet, and looked at my two sons... the pictures & the ashes. I smiled & breathed deep. I went to put a few things in their places in the office & spoke aloud, "We wanted you here." I passed their picture again as I wandered reflectively into my bedroom and whispered, "Sweet precious little boys" with a fading-still-sweet-in-my-soul-smile and quiver of my chin. I thought about greif. I wondered when I last cried. I wondered when I last gave thanks. I find myself in the walk-in, reaching up to the shelf with the memory boxes. Warm, welcoming blue and brown printed boxes full of hair locks, photographs, blankets, onezies, hand & footprints... Then they're opened up on my striped duvet, spread out across covers and bathed in the afternoon sunlight coming in. And I wept. And I smiled. And I said Amen. Then I pack them up tightly, rinse my face & go downstairs to my other blessings... my now blessings: my family, my kitchen, my deck, my summer, my flowers... HIS blessings.

Eucharisteo

 So I was given this book while I was in the hospital & have been waiting to pick it up and start it until the time felt just right. Little did I know when I received this book what a difference it would make in my journey. I'd like to write the author & say, "I'm the one God inspired you to write this for" because its made all the difference in my mindset as I heal. Each chapter has met me where I'm at and fostered me into the better place that I was looking for. I haven't finished and was hesitant to post any reflections from the book until I reached its completion. But I'm realizing if I don't post some I'll miss out on telling you firsthand what I'm learning RIGHT NOW and how it feels just at this moment.

~

The sentence that stands out to me the most so far in this book is, "I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks."

The author is on a journey of healing and is testing her theory that EUCHARESTEO or Thanksgiving is the route to a full life again- to joy. If we can recognize even mysteries as God's gift- just as the Israelites accepted Manna from God which literally means "what is it?"- we can find fullness for our souls. If we can find ways to give thanks every day, we are inviting God in... by acknowledging him as the grace-giver.

Following a loss like mine, you are tempted to, and even encouraged by others at times to see the world through a thank-less lens. It's easy to immediately blame things on God since as believers we believe he has ultimate power and authority and ability to change anything as he sees fit. However we forget that this doesn't say he's a cause of problems- in fact, its the opposite: He is the giver of grace in a broken place. He has all power and authority and loves us. He has all power and authority and gives us new mercies every day. The trick is to see that through tear stained faces and pain stricken moments. We'd rather have self-pity or hang on to the sorrows of this life. But isn't that just what we are fighting against deep down in those hard-to-reach places of our souls & minds? As soon as things like Noah & Jayden's deaths happen we just feel angry at the world for its broken-ness... we hate the sorrow we hate the tears. We say we weren't designed for this world of sorrows... this was not how God intended the world to be. Then we turn around and we are broken, we are angry, we are crying and blaming and losing sight of gratitude.

You hear "well I don't blame you for feeling this." "It's okay to be hurt." And... it is. I understand. And you need to grieve- to sit in your feelings long enough to acknowledge them and understand them... but then if you park yourself in that place long enough where does it get you? Self-pity, remorse, doubts, insecurity, faithlessness.

{And oh I've been there and I'm sure I will go there again sometimes. So please don't misread this thinking I'm saying it's all roses or you should just get over it!! }

Don't things like this make you want to change how things are though? I can tell you for a fact that MANY people, countless people have said, "I wish this kind of thing didn't happen." "This world isn't right." "This isn't okay with me."

It's not okay that Babies die & the elderly sit writhing as they await death. It's not okay that people cry themselves to sleep regularly. It's not okay that there are people hospitalized for both over eating & malnutrition. It's not okay that we use and abuse this planet. It's not okay that this western world is so me-oriented that people can't see past themselves. And the list goes on. You know your bones to pick with this world, fill in the blanks.

So I found myself convicted: Is an ungrateful attitude any better? Does it foster the world you'd like to see one day? The one that Jesus preached & martyrs died for?

"Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn't rescue the suffering. The converse does."