The post that became a bit of a poem.

You're laying in bed, curtains drawn, morning ticking by, to do list sitting un-touched. Motivation doesn't always come easily. Or maybe you're sitting in a closet or a stairwell with clenched fists trying to quell the frustrations of a day in your life. Defeat. Contempt. Disaster. Confusion. Or just our old friend- exhaustion.

Parenting. Grieving. Guiding. Studying. Helping others. Emoting. Praying hard. Commitments. Follow-up. Living.

This saga of surviving, providing & thriving. Life throbbing through your veins. Doing. Being. Understanding.

You can do it. Yeah, "it" really is worth something. And even when no one else seems to see it, God does. He sees you struggling, cocooned in the old fears and pains... pushing, thrashing & finally fighting out into an anticlimactic world where you could be disappointed, bashed down again; where messes still happen and sin still prevails. You stretch out and still groggy tiptoe into fields of dew and delicate woods and down worn-down worn-out paths. You are not alone shivering in this cold, preparing to fight your battles and lift your burdens. No. Don't let silence and distance and being different blind you from Him. Be still a moment. Though you feel you're just coming up, gasping for breath, frantic and busy and needed and flailing to succeed... be still. And know. I am.

Now let this knowledge warm you. You are merely one of the created. You aren't in charge. But today is yours to take. His love is yours to drink in. The graces and mercies whispered into moments as He sees you carry on are waiting. Beauty is here. Rise from your graves and search for Him. He is here and he beckons... there is still a reason to live. Fight to live another day. Give up the griefs and allow joy to penetrate the dark and lonely places. Arise and search for love is here. To give and to recieve. To breath in and out.

There is more to here than what you're feeling.

A continuation of thoughts.

...and I am bereaved and there's no end to this.

...So Thank God There's No End To His Love.

Yes, I thank Heavens every day that I have an eternity to set my heart on. I have a cure; a rescuer for this worn out soul. Without it I am only bereaved.  I am labeled, overcome, hopeless.

Hayley had this song stuck in her head yesterday "Your love never fails it never gives up it never runs out on me." She said that verse over and over and over and o o v v e e r r. And I found myself thinking it over and over in my head until it was moving through my actions with me. It was like a mantra and I peacefully, gratefully, soul at ease- set the table while she whined for things, corrected her as she acted out, remembered what life was supposed to be with twins in the mix, said some prayers, cleaned up a mess or two, readied our family to get out the door... and the list goes on like his love did for me as it covered over my daily stressers.

I am bereaved. I am saved.

.

And God asks of me "Can you live SAVED, redeemed, accepting?" Can I live saved when I feel I'm still needing rescue? When holidays and images and constant flow of new conversation and travel and people leads me to ends where I find I'm unprepared or taken aback... Can I remember as I'm surrounded to simply look upon His grace and know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm already saved?

When I do it's better. No, its best. That's when my soul is at ease and my boys resting and I achieve, no He achieves, peace in my today for myself and my family.